Definition of a Fuckboy: A guy who has no commitments to settle down, however, he will take you on a ride of dreams and false expectations (Which could go on for months or years), only then to tell you that it ‘wasn’t that deep’, but he still wants you as a friend. Fuckboys will waste your time, lie to you, all with a smile on his face.
Girls, we’ve all interacted with a fuckboy (or several) in 2016.
They’ve charmed us.
Facetimed us every night.
Told us that ‘there’s potential there’ and that they’ll ‘shall see’ when he’s finally going to iMessage you instead of talking on snapchat.
He’s either been that guy that your friend warned you against.
Or the one that just ‘only wanted to be friends’ and wasn’t looking for anything deep in the first place.
Here’s 5 fuckboys who you should leave in 2016! Enjoy!
1.‘The good guy’
He’s the one that will whole-heartedly tell you that he’s a good guy and that he’s just misunderstood. He will also tell you that girls are crazy and that he does not know why he has bad relationships with girls. The ‘Good Guy’ will lure you in with a false sense of security. At first you’d wonder why everyone think’s he’s a prick because he is actually a cool guy to hang with. He’ll convince you that nothing is wrong with him and that 99.9 % (excluding his mum) female population is against him. You might even begin to believe that he could be potential Bae due to the good morning texts, the chill sessions and you two generally getting along with each other. HOWEVER, once you sleep with him… everything changes.
He won’t text you as frequently, tell you he’s ‘going through things at the moment’ that’s why he hasn’t got the time to see you as much. He’ll make you feel played but at the same time he’ll give you a hint of hope that once he gets his shit together, then things will be good.
“BREAKING NEWS”- This will never happen.
Your friends will give you that ‘told you he isn’t a good guy look’. Then you’ll come to the realisation that he isn’t a good guy, but really that he’s a prick that wasted your time.
2. ‘The church boy with 666 mark on the back on his neck’
He’s the quiet cute one at the party standing in the corner of the room, trying not to look at girls as they walk past. The majority of people are blind drunk and he’s babysitting a bottle of J2O. He’s timid at first, but once you break the ice, you two start vibing and the more you guys talk, you start to think he’s a cool guy. Weeks go past, and the two of you become very close and intimate. You start to see a more rebellious, sexy side. This leads to you two hooking up a few times and becoming ‘more friendly’. But this doesn’t last, as he starts to realise that he’s been behaving ‘Ungodly’.
He’s giving you mixed-signals, starts posting bible verses on snapchat and you’re beginning to realise that the quite church boy is quite confused. Church boy is conflicted. He’s starting to think that he’s sinned too much and is adamant that he’s going to Hell for getting his tip licked. He’s torn because he doesn’t know what to do? The guilt takes over him and he’s literally hot and cold. He doesn’t know what he wants because this is the first time he’s ventured into the unholy world of loose pussy and STDs, he isn’t sure if he’s actually about that life. But he won’t tell you that because he still likes his tip sucked, so you two go on a rollercoaster of emotions and uncertainty until you’ve had enough of going through twists and turns, and you sack him off for good.
3. ‘The pretty boy’
Oh Mr pretty boy. He’s got the face of innocence, but the game of a Retired OG. You fall for his looks naturally, and naturally he can take advantage and play you around. His white teeth and boyish attitude will pull you in more. Of course, he’ll be out of your league, but you won’t care because he’s feeling you. Unfortunately, other girls will be feeling him and he’ll be feeling them too. He’s too pretty to be committed let’s face it. But he’ll still lead you on because that feeds his ego. He won’t keep you far away from him, but at the same time you’ll struggle to get close to him. He’ll make sure that he’s on your mind though. You won’t hear from him for weeks, but he’ll pop up randomly with a ‘hey bighead’ text at 1am.
Pretty boy slithers back into your life back and forth and because you’re helpless you won’t be able to resist. You guys start talking again and your imagination starts to make you think that you’ve got another chance and that maybe he’s changed. Maybe he wants to change for you. He’s realised that he missed you and that he doesn’t want to let you go so he’s prepared to take things more seriously. But really your imagination isn’t real life and soon you realise is that he will never change, that you can never change him.
4. ‘The one that wants to take it slow all of a sudden’
You meet him and he’s feeling you instantly. He wants your number, wants to take you out , you’re texting everyday (he’s even sending you those ‘good morning’ texts to make you feel warm inside). You feel a strong connection between the two of you. As time goes by you’re practically acting as if you two are in a relationship. The long FaceTime sessions, the constant back and forth snapchat banter. He actually takes you out (IN PUBLIC) and you’re all over his snapchat. You two are both smitten and the sex is amazing!
When you’re ready to move to the next step and you want to be exclusive or even in a full relationship, Mr Eager turns into Mr Sloth. All of a sudden, he’s not as enthusiastic as he once was. He tells you that things have moved too fast and that he wants to ‘take things slow’ all of a sudden. He also tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship, But he doesn’t want to stop talking to you and he wants you to have faith in him and give him time. Basically, he wants everything in a relationship, but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. This is where he traps you. You fall for it and spend the next few months/years in a ‘situationship’ rather than in a relationship, something that he’s content about, but you’re feeling played. You want to follow your heart, but your brain is sending you ‘fuckboy signals’ that you can’t seem to shake off. You can only get lost in the stew for so long before you realise that you’re not reaping any benefits from this guy. You’re stressed, and you’re not looking cute. Time to cut him off and cut him out of your life for GOOD!!
5. ‘The smoke and chill.’
Here’s one many of you smokers can relate to. Similar to ‘Netflix and Chill’, the ‘Smoke and chill guy’ is very ambiguous about his motives. You could see it as going to his for a free high and good conversation. However he sees it as a gateway to between your legs. It’s been proven that getting high makes you feel a bit frisky and horny, to say the least. He knows this too, that why he invited you over. It’s not about him having a smoking companion, but more about him finding a way for you to relax, and feeling a bit hazy, that eventually you’ll ‘loosen up’ to him in many ways.
Time goes by and you two have finally set up a routine to hang out, get really high which leads to a few ‘magical moments’ between you two. The only problem with this is that you probably wouldn’t sleep with him if you were sober, and furthermore, the times when you two are together is when weed is involved! So what ends up happening is after being caught up in the clouds, you realise that actually, you two have nothing in common apart from your love of Mary Jane. Deep inside you know that the only time that the only time you guys hang out is when you’re high, as the sober you would not even consider having a conversation with him, let alone getting the munchies and ordering food with him. You know, and I know that it is time to let him go and to find another ‘chill buddy’.
Well there’s your 5 Fuckboys you should avoid.
Resist their charms and bullshit and you shall prosper!